awful

swollen neck and weird feelings in my head today. last night was bad. most of that day was bad. i freaed out at work because i had to take responsibility for a programmer's screwup, and more work, more homework. didn't get as far as i wanted. couldn't focus, and got high thinking it would help. got uncomfortably high and had to loaf out. i don't want to do that anymore. but i didn't feel well, my stomach hurt. i'm getting high or intoxicated every night now. its not sustainable. i'm smoking more. i think about sex and women so much, i was caught in an anxiety attack, that's what it was last night, now i know. i need to take a break, take a rest. but there's so little time. i can't just sit at home and study, i need to be out. i need to see people. i need to laugh and maybe cry. i need a break, that's what this weekend will be about. except that i have a big fucking paper due. ughhhh