D&D!

I Am A: Chaotic Neutral Elf Bard/Sorcerer (2nd/2nd Level)


Ability Scores:

Strength-12

Dexterity-12

Constitution-14

Intelligence-14

Wisdom-13

Charisma-13


Alignment:
Chaotic Neutral A chaotic neutral character follows his whims. He is an individualist first and last. He values his own liberty but doesn't strive to protect others' freedom. He avoids authority, resents restrictions, and challenges traditions. A chaotic neutral character does not intentionally disrupt organizations as part of a campaign of anarchy. To do so, he would have to be motivated either by good (and a desire to liberate others) or evil (and a desire to make those different from himself suffer). A chaotic neutral character may be unpredictable, but his behavior is not totally random. He is not as likely to jump off a bridge as to cross it. Chaotic neutral is the best alignment you can be because it represents true freedom from both society's restrictions and a do-gooder's zeal. However, chaotic neutral can be a dangerous alignment because it seeks to eliminate all authority, harmony, and order in society.


Race:
Elves are known for their poetry, song, and magical arts, but when danger threatens they show great skill with weapons and strategy. Elves can live to be over 700 years old and, by human standards, are slow to make friends and enemies, and even slower to forget them. Elves are slim and stand 4.5 to 5.5 feet tall. They have no facial or body hair, prefer comfortable clothes, and possess unearthly grace. Many others races find them hauntingly beautiful.


Primary Class:
Bards often serve as negotiators, messengers, scouts, and spies. They love to accompany heroes (and villains) to witness heroic (or villainous) deeds firsthand, since a bard who can tell a story from personal experience earns renown among his fellows. A bard casts arcane spells without any advance preparation, much like a sorcerer. Bards also share some specialized skills with rogues, and their knowledge of item lore is nearly unmatched. A high Charisma score allows a bard to cast high-level spells.


Secondary Class:
Sorcerers are arcane spellcasters who manipulate magic energy with imagination and talent rather than studious discipline. They have no books, no mentors, no theories just raw power that they direct at will. Sorcerers know fewer spells than wizards do and acquire them more slowly, but they can cast individual spells more often and have no need to prepare their incantations ahead of time. Also unlike wizards, sorcerers cannot specialize in a school of magic. Since sorcerers gain their powers without undergoing the years of rigorous study that wizards go through, they have more time to learn fighting skills and are proficient with simple weapons. Charisma is very important for sorcerers; the higher their value in this ability, the higher the spell level they can cast.


Find out What Kind of Dungeons and Dragons Character Would You Be?, courtesy of Easydamus (e-mail)



also, I cleared up things with my girlfriend :P

stupid girlfriend

She has been getting on my nerves, and it's not really her doing. It's just me being irritable and needing space. I find myself to affected by the clothes she wears. If she looks disheveled, poorly-made up, hair out of place, sporting jeans I find ugly, it's a turn-off, and I just don't even want to listen to her. Since we're in the same field of study, it becomes a public issue, and I don't want to be seen close to a girl I perceive as not attractive. It's terrible, I know. I wish I didn't care so much but I do. I think I need help. I get focused on her posture and how it carried the bit of extra weight in her belly, and try to get her to sit up straight, just so she looks more presentable.

I'm so controlling. I touch her belly when we are close. It looks better when she is lying down. Two nights ago, when she was last over, the last microdiscussion we shared before I fell asleep began with her asking "do you think i'm fat?" I said "no. do you think you're fat?" she said "sometimes." I wanted to say I just don't want her to GET FAT and that's why i try to moderate her from eating too much candy. I find it gross. I get grossed out by excess sugar consumption. I keep a Mediterranean diet, I like my fats, salts, and alcohol. I look good. My hair needs a trim but I still look good. I just want her to always looks good. And that's my problem with her. Also, she's really needy too, and I feel bad to shun her because she doesn't understand how I feel. I hope it's not time for a "talk", and I can just rot in my room until our next class, but that's not my style. I just have to do something different.

Also, I'm stuck with her til the end of the school year. Our class program extends to that length, and I know in my heart, that if we break up, it will be that much more awkward, annoying, and meddlesome between us, and that will affect my studies. But the good times always nice, while they last.

making the rent, breaking the date?

Well somehow, I'm still hitting 37 hours this pay period despite skipping president's day, and hardly doing anything on Thursday, where our city was hit with roughly 5-6 inches of snow. Maybe because I'm counting today, where I inflated my workday by about half an hour. That's all done.

I'm gonna make rent! Now I just have to hang out here and look busy for another six hours, and I'll be free to work on that paper...or get some rest. I stayed up late last night but had a lot of fun. I decided to kick it old-school and smoke up campfire style. I laid under both of my blankets and ensured there was no way for light or air to pass through, and smoked the rest of the bowl I had loaded. Then I layed out, listening to the dreampop and constant whirr of my room's heater in the background. Does well to smudge out the background noises and voices downstairs. I want to edit some of the blog post I wrote last night. It felt like I had something going on there, but I'm going to bet most of it was hufflepuff. But I felt so energized last night!

Flirting does that to you. At that concert last night I thought a lot about my relationship, and how I could rationalize cheating on my girlfriend as this is my first real relationship, I'm allowed some...trial and error. That's cute. That's a real cute excuse. But I'd still be the shit head in the situation.

But it would be empowering. Dostoevsky wrote in the Possessed about how suicide was man's ultimate expression of autonomy against God, well I suppose consciously cheating is the same thing for a relationship. Or I could just tell her the truth after the fact and see what would become of it. Honestly, I think she wouldn't be strong enough to dump me for it. Maybe she would just shun me for a few days, be broken hearted, then I'd saunter in, make some "cute" jokes, and win her back.

I was also thinking, how would I feel if she cheated on me? And I think it would just make me want to have her more, as it would bring recognition to its (the relationship's) ultimate fleetingness. Neither of us are going to stay together forever, so what difference does it make? But I also recognize what's wrong with this situation. Don't fuck with a sensitive girl's feelings. Don't do it, don't hurt her, she doesn't deserve that.


Hmm.. OK. So I can cheat on her, and as long as she doesn't find out, it's OK. No! That's even worse. I'd lose the virtue of candour and I couldn't actually say I "acted in my fullest autonomy to defy the boundaries of the relationship." But that's silly, stupidly more philosophical than I analyze anything I do, and is rationally superfluous to think about it like that. But that's all I'm doing, overthinking what I probably won't do. I might just be hitting that wall again, when I was first hesitant to be part of this entity. Committment vs non-committment. Well, I'll let you guys know what happens. Not that I really have a choice anyway.

dear miss girlfriend's mom

Dear Ms. *****,

Today J and I went to S. and had a lovely time! We had a delicious lunch, and a fanciful time shopping at H&M. We both found each other some snazzy clothes and look great together. Well, I think so, but I think she would agree. Maybe you will too when you see us! Thank you so much for helping to fund our trip, it was a very nice gesture! You're a great mom!

Love,
Marcus

distracted, so I'm here

Trying to read Dostoevsky but I keep getting distracted so I'll write my notes from above ground in my bourgeois universe here. Fell asleep to the looping DVD menu music from Speed. Woke up hungover in a sleeping bag in my friend's now furnished apartment. Drove my car half a mile so I wouldn't have to walk across campus to the library. Emailed the principal of the local middle school again, asking that if he hadn't chosen his math/reading tutors yet - he should choose me because I'm experienced at tutoring my peers, have a passion for learning and education and want to (try) sharing it with my community for $12 an hour if I'm lucky, and that I enjoy the presence of children. Only one of those claims is true. Sold 3 shares of some winning ETF in my Roth IRA. I want to call the brokerage and see if I can transfer some of that money to my individual account (which is empty) so I can put some riskier stocks in there. That stock is ONVI, if you're curious. The last time I tried doing that was with WAMU and my coworkers laughed at me when they went bankrupt. Only lost $50. Maybe I'll playing the market on Scottrade the same way Dostoevsky played cards during his 10 year prison sentence. If you wish to quantify it, perhaps I'll do better since I'm half his age when he wrote Notes, it's only a quarter as cold in my city than in Siberia, and although since I've only suffered a sixteenth of what he's endured, my writing will only end up a twohundred-fiftysixth in quality. I wish my school offered some sort of pre-Soviet GULAG literary enhancement program.

"...the most intense pleasures occur in despair, especially when you're very acutely aware of the hopelessness of your own predicament."

I wish my girlfriend wasn't so passive, maybe then she could break my heart and I'll become transposed with the gift of quality writing! But there is some weird situation where I actually WANT her to fuck someone else. It's confusing and stressful, and I'll get into it another time. Has there ever been some sort of story where a character tries to encourage his/her sig. other to have an affair?

The girl is ill!

The girl is mad, I say. She wallows in a depression that pulls her into a sense of slack which makes her angry at herself for being tardy to rise, being late to class. It is a vicious cycle that makes her appear ill, as she doesn't dress for appearances when she feels this way, and I am hesitant to criticize her as I don't want her to fall into the illness any deeper. I do not like to see her like this. She is slow and seems dim-witted. She doesn't respond to all inquiries made toward her, and keeps her head low. To me, she seems truly pathetic. Who could love such a sad creature?

But I have been that way in the past and can't help to acknowledge it, albeit only to myself, within my own memory. Though the girl tends to ruminate in her depression, she focuses on why she feels the way she does, and this does little good, while I tend to distract myself until I am able to realize I don't have it all that bad.

I tried to comfort and sympathize with her, but I felt pushed away by the demon lurking in her skull. It is distressing, and although I made her laugh for a moment, it did little for her, and just made me irritated. But as we were in class, I did little that might upset my strong, healthy reputation. Though, if we were alone, there wouldn't be much else I could do. I wanted to get away from her. She went home early and got away from everyone.

Once class was over, I spoke with the few of our friends and they asked me, "What have you done to the poor girl?" While I was bothered by this, I didn't react and told the truth, "I don't know, what did YOU do to her?" She complained and cried about her wet sneakers, as she didn't have time to find her boots in the morning, as she was rushed. Poor thing. First-world problem. That's not the core of the issue. That is petty. That doesn't drive people into the upset she is facing.

Only time will tell.

stress

dear brother,
my head hurts and body aches. I wanted to get my thoughts out here before I spent time invested into my paper about a city.
I don't really like being around J that much anymore. ever since i realized i have game and can kiss and sometimes even fuck other people. really good about katie. so many -ie and -y names around me. I mean i like Katie because there's that bond i get after i have sex with a girl, but don't think i like her that much, and i show it, so she knows i'm not attached, but will probably be more willing to want to see me again if she notices that, so i dunno. she's cool, in all sense of the word, but says fuck too much. but she is book smart and doesn't want to appear that way and i like that, im kinda like that too.
jackie just kind of bores me, i just like the way her skin feels.

i haven't been sleeping much or very well and its taken a toll on me. im worried that i won't be able to make progress in this headspace. that my paper will be written at a few grade levels lower when i'm like this.

maybe my job is taking a toll on me. but i did goo last time. i know i can still do a decent job on this paper. just got to get it together.