stupid girlfriend

She has been getting on my nerves, and it's not really her doing. It's just me being irritable and needing space. I find myself to affected by the clothes she wears. If she looks disheveled, poorly-made up, hair out of place, sporting jeans I find ugly, it's a turn-off, and I just don't even want to listen to her. Since we're in the same field of study, it becomes a public issue, and I don't want to be seen close to a girl I perceive as not attractive. It's terrible, I know. I wish I didn't care so much but I do. I think I need help. I get focused on her posture and how it carried the bit of extra weight in her belly, and try to get her to sit up straight, just so she looks more presentable.

I'm so controlling. I touch her belly when we are close. It looks better when she is lying down. Two nights ago, when she was last over, the last microdiscussion we shared before I fell asleep began with her asking "do you think i'm fat?" I said "no. do you think you're fat?" she said "sometimes." I wanted to say I just don't want her to GET FAT and that's why i try to moderate her from eating too much candy. I find it gross. I get grossed out by excess sugar consumption. I keep a Mediterranean diet, I like my fats, salts, and alcohol. I look good. My hair needs a trim but I still look good. I just want her to always looks good. And that's my problem with her. Also, she's really needy too, and I feel bad to shun her because she doesn't understand how I feel. I hope it's not time for a "talk", and I can just rot in my room until our next class, but that's not my style. I just have to do something different.

Also, I'm stuck with her til the end of the school year. Our class program extends to that length, and I know in my heart, that if we break up, it will be that much more awkward, annoying, and meddlesome between us, and that will affect my studies. But the good times always nice, while they last.