From: TreatEaston | Posted: 11/24/2010 05:00:17 PM | Filter | Message Detail | Quote
Reminds me of my mom
If you don't acknowledge a statement she makes she'll literally repeat it until somebody does
Nice weather we're having here
Nice weather we're having here
NICE WEATHER WE'RE HAVING HERE
From: Andmillionaire | Posted: 11/24/2010 10:11:55 PM | Filter | Message Detail | Quote
Oh my god. She gave her mom a bottle of wine as a present for having everyone I guess. And she just called her to tell her not to drink it without her because it's not cheap wine. Lol wtf. Who does that?
Her: so did you wrap their gift with popcorn wrap?
Dad: you mean bubble wrap?
Her: no popcorn wrap
dad: packing peanuts?
Her: no popcorn wrap. The clear plastic wrap with the bubbles on it that you can pop. Like popcorn.
From: Andmillionaire | Posted: 11/25/2010 11:23:12 AM | Filter | Message Detail | Quote
Our morning begins at 7am so that we can be the first in line at this famous bakery to pick up pecan and pumpkin pies.
They opened at 5. You needed to call like a week in advance. They closed at 7am. :|
---
http://yourewinner.com/wiki/index.php5?title=Book_of_Rigism
Rigism follower for 5 years and counting.. YOU'RE WINNER!
From: Andmillionaire | Posted: 11/25/2010 11:27:49 AM | Filter | Message Detail | Quote
Goddamnit I forgot the last part.
"I guess this thanksgiving isn't as easy as pie" was her response to them closing.
joke life
Friday, November 26, 2010
Monday, November 22, 2010
Have you seen her new boy
Have you seen her new boy
He has a beard and glasses,
He's about an inch shorter
Seems boring to begin with.
But I haven't been around to hear the pillowtalk.
He has a beard and glasses,
He's about an inch shorter
Seems boring to begin with.
But I haven't been around to hear the pillowtalk.
Sunday, November 14, 2010
girls
That sorta been intimate with in the past few years. I feel like girls do this so I should do it, too.
Brandee - Shitty name, but nice girl. Encounters with her proved O's point about movie theaters - how they're like legalized prostitution - because they're usually an excuse to get dirty and intimate with someone. We did that three times and got further each time. I guess they're useful for that since they're dark, and there's also the ominous concern/turn-on about getting caught. I don't know how we were ever considered "dating" but it felt like it. In those dismal, painful, humiliating days of the first high school (which I realize I'm now able to not think about anymore, though the unresolved conflicts will probably return in therapy at some point down the line) her company definitely made me feel better about myself.
Jessica R. - I miss her as a dear friend. There was that one funny time with Eve in the Hallmark bathroom and the Jack Daniel's. I think we stole a total of three bottles from Gelson's and drank them. I didn't really get that drunk. There was the assumption that since I was a drunk guy I wanted to have sex with her, but I pretended to fumble with my weird 2-pronged belt until we got caught and shooed out by an employee. Eve sitting there in the corner made me turbo uncomfortable. This didn't go anywhere, but it showed me what was possible.
Joany, I think is what she went by - Colin and Daniel and some kid who knew people at the door of this 21+ club in Malibu drove there and drank and danced. I picked up some girl - kissed her, took her to my car. We fucked around, she was a terrible kisser. I was on painkillers and uncomfortable in the backseat of my car and couldn't get it up. Daniel and her cousin went to retrieve her while my flaccid penis was in her mouth. My friends thought I was a champ. I didn't feel like one, but I did learn what it was like to be the guy who sort of "scored". I tried to hang out with her after, but it never materialized. This theme returns later in my life, in college.
Cl - Took me 20 years but finally lost it in a great drunken hook-up in the room I was lucky I didn't have to share until midway thru winter quarter. That was a fun night, I just regret trying to call and text her so much, even considering e-mailing her, thinking we had something shared between us except bodily fluids. At least she still smiles at me in the hallways. Although we can't really communicate beyond the pedestrian level. Maybe I'll just tell her, "Remember the time we fucked last year?" and she how she reacts. What's the worst that could happen?
W - Cool writer lady graduate student who kissed me on my birthday. Dated. Had sex. Had a lot of sex actually for a period of 2-3 months, and learned a lot about it. I think I loved her at some point. But she got depressed and it was a turn off for me so I told her we just wanted to be friends. I think she delivers pizzas in Seattle now. But she looks good and is sexy and I wish her the best.
Jessica - Man she is cool. I miss her. She came from an art school in New York to visit one of the friends in our circle (a girl she was "married" to), and we hung out and bonded. Her and her "wife", and her kinda boyfriend and my friend B were going to drive to Vancouver that weekend. The good Vancouver up north, not the shitty Washington one. After getting kinda close and comfy with this Jessica, it sounded like a plan. Plus, the unspoken "double date/trip" of it would be helpful for B, who's relationship with the friend was just beginning to blossom, (though, now, it's starting to get moldy). It was a great trip, we got super wasted at a club in Canada and we all got laid. But the devil is in the details. S (B's girl) got SUPER wasted and got angry that Bob wasn't performing...spectacularly, and even asked me, in a daze, if I could satisfy her. Eventually, they got it down, though. My partner and I were REALLY into it on the dancefloor, and didn't care about any of the glances around us. Mmm...but back at the hotel, which I almost wasn't able to get back into (!!!) at 2AMish in the Vancouver slums, it wasn't so great. We got under the covers and got naked and started doing it, but, hmm...I don't really remember what happened. I think I went to put a condom on and she was passed the fuck out. I know I did stick it in though (before she fell asleep, mind you!) and I guess that counts. I will see her again, some time. What a story!
J - One of my friend's roommates I'd go out, as a group, on lonely nights to drink. Kind of cold. Not initially attracted to, until she cut her hair, actually. Usually I'm less superficial, but I also began to see her in a different light. I was bored and read a handful of PUA e-books, which had a minor impact on me and made me more confident about going out with her. Made out with her in front of a dying campfire on her roommate's birthday. I loved that. Went on two awkward dates after until she messaged me, saying to come over, had awesome unexpected sex. Did that a couple more times, got clingy, turned her off, didn't hear back because she was a bad communicator, in my opinion. But we might see each other again. (UPDATE 1/30/11: I don't think we're going to see each other again)
J - I'll talk about this another time.
K - This is new and kind of a nice casual, yet fucking-loving relationship we have, mostly because she is upfront about her other male suitors. I'll talk about this more another time. (UPDATE 1/30/11: she got a boyfriend and I got a girlfriend, the J above that I'll talk about another time. I have already, actually. Me and K still talk though.)
Brandee - Shitty name, but nice girl. Encounters with her proved O's point about movie theaters - how they're like legalized prostitution - because they're usually an excuse to get dirty and intimate with someone. We did that three times and got further each time. I guess they're useful for that since they're dark, and there's also the ominous concern/turn-on about getting caught. I don't know how we were ever considered "dating" but it felt like it. In those dismal, painful, humiliating days of the first high school (which I realize I'm now able to not think about anymore, though the unresolved conflicts will probably return in therapy at some point down the line) her company definitely made me feel better about myself.
Jessica R. - I miss her as a dear friend. There was that one funny time with Eve in the Hallmark bathroom and the Jack Daniel's. I think we stole a total of three bottles from Gelson's and drank them. I didn't really get that drunk. There was the assumption that since I was a drunk guy I wanted to have sex with her, but I pretended to fumble with my weird 2-pronged belt until we got caught and shooed out by an employee. Eve sitting there in the corner made me turbo uncomfortable. This didn't go anywhere, but it showed me what was possible.
Joany, I think is what she went by - Colin and Daniel and some kid who knew people at the door of this 21+ club in Malibu drove there and drank and danced. I picked up some girl - kissed her, took her to my car. We fucked around, she was a terrible kisser. I was on painkillers and uncomfortable in the backseat of my car and couldn't get it up. Daniel and her cousin went to retrieve her while my flaccid penis was in her mouth. My friends thought I was a champ. I didn't feel like one, but I did learn what it was like to be the guy who sort of "scored". I tried to hang out with her after, but it never materialized. This theme returns later in my life, in college.
Cl - Took me 20 years but finally lost it in a great drunken hook-up in the room I was lucky I didn't have to share until midway thru winter quarter. That was a fun night, I just regret trying to call and text her so much, even considering e-mailing her, thinking we had something shared between us except bodily fluids. At least she still smiles at me in the hallways. Although we can't really communicate beyond the pedestrian level. Maybe I'll just tell her, "Remember the time we fucked last year?" and she how she reacts. What's the worst that could happen?
W - Cool writer lady graduate student who kissed me on my birthday. Dated. Had sex. Had a lot of sex actually for a period of 2-3 months, and learned a lot about it. I think I loved her at some point. But she got depressed and it was a turn off for me so I told her we just wanted to be friends. I think she delivers pizzas in Seattle now. But she looks good and is sexy and I wish her the best.
Jessica - Man she is cool. I miss her. She came from an art school in New York to visit one of the friends in our circle (a girl she was "married" to), and we hung out and bonded. Her and her "wife", and her kinda boyfriend and my friend B were going to drive to Vancouver that weekend. The good Vancouver up north, not the shitty Washington one. After getting kinda close and comfy with this Jessica, it sounded like a plan. Plus, the unspoken "double date/trip" of it would be helpful for B, who's relationship with the friend was just beginning to blossom, (though, now, it's starting to get moldy). It was a great trip, we got super wasted at a club in Canada and we all got laid. But the devil is in the details. S (B's girl) got SUPER wasted and got angry that Bob wasn't performing...spectacularly, and even asked me, in a daze, if I could satisfy her. Eventually, they got it down, though. My partner and I were REALLY into it on the dancefloor, and didn't care about any of the glances around us. Mmm...but back at the hotel, which I almost wasn't able to get back into (!!!) at 2AMish in the Vancouver slums, it wasn't so great. We got under the covers and got naked and started doing it, but, hmm...I don't really remember what happened. I think I went to put a condom on and she was passed the fuck out. I know I did stick it in though (before she fell asleep, mind you!) and I guess that counts. I will see her again, some time. What a story!
J - One of my friend's roommates I'd go out, as a group, on lonely nights to drink. Kind of cold. Not initially attracted to, until she cut her hair, actually. Usually I'm less superficial, but I also began to see her in a different light. I was bored and read a handful of PUA e-books, which had a minor impact on me and made me more confident about going out with her. Made out with her in front of a dying campfire on her roommate's birthday. I loved that. Went on two awkward dates after until she messaged me, saying to come over, had awesome unexpected sex. Did that a couple more times, got clingy, turned her off, didn't hear back because she was a bad communicator, in my opinion. But we might see each other again. (UPDATE 1/30/11: I don't think we're going to see each other again)
J - I'll talk about this another time.
K - This is new and kind of a nice casual, yet fucking-loving relationship we have, mostly because she is upfront about her other male suitors. I'll talk about this more another time. (UPDATE 1/30/11: she got a boyfriend and I got a girlfriend, the J above that I'll talk about another time. I have already, actually. Me and K still talk though.)
so tough to concentrate!
Oh GOD today and yesterday it's been so hard to focus on that which I want to do
THe other night i was reading the cultural atlas at apartment 30. then the couple started watching "Better off Ted" I got into for it 20 minutes and went on my way to apartment 41 and read until the guys got there. then I drove home. I'll get to this in a minute. I sat at home for a few minutes, took a pill, and went to sizizis with my computer. I got some good notes done, but then spent a long time fucking around with music in a caffeinated mania. got those times are fun though. went home at 2am, crashed.
got up at noon, helped bob move out, and here i am at the computer lab at 5pm with little to show for myself, besides watching that film (include that in your bibliography!!)
and i can't stop looking around at other people i can't stop going to other websites, or fabricating images of driving downtown to see people at coffee shops (where i would go to study, but know well enough that if i'm there with other people, i certainlly wouldn't!!)
and I just spent the past half hour reading old blog entries. I'm really glad I have this thing. I can access it anywhere i have internet and I get to think about old memories. But my writing then was so much more literary-ish, more formal, to a different audience. The stuff here, lately, is pedestrian, garbled, more written for me than other people I guess. But the stuff I wrote before is most entertaining to me! What happened? It must be a phase.
Maybe because I'm getting laid on a semi-regular basis now to someone I have no feelings beyond friendship for. I don't even think we look good together. But she is hot and sexy and has a nice cat, a car, and interesting hair, and a good outlook. She says she's empathetic when I accused her of being a sociopath. It's true. She's just been hurt before, I'm sure, which explains her futile relationship with monogamy. But man, she can make me feel REALLY good. But it kind of sucks that usually, when a guy comes, his dick goes soft. Although there are workarounds, it can be annoying to consider. The girl can just keep going! But us guys gotta pace ourselves!
Also, I bought a car from a guy named Dennis yesterday. Ho-ho-holy shit walking into the bank with him waiting for me almost made me burst from adrenaline and the feeling of impulse, but sometimes I really revel in it! Once I got the hang of it, I have the time of my life in it. It's like Gabe's car but with less features. It feels so good, almost too good. I tell myself I don't deserve this. I am still attached to that feeling. I told Bob I have this weird vision of myself as an ascetic. It's not really working for me though, considering how attached i am to my Blackberry and my email bullshit. But hey, whatever you gotta do to stay connected, right? and as long as i'm aware of these things, isn't that better? Or is it even worse? And why should I care? I also think of myself as a bit of a hedonist at heart.
So I guess that was a good day. Let's make this one, one.
Oh wait, let me relish in how great this car is, some more. It's a stick shifter, so it's so much more fun to drive than just an auto. Before that wasn't fun. Before that wasn't really driving. This is driving. And I burnt an mp3 cd and it sounds amazing in it. The windows don't work, but I don't care. I'll get it looked at at some point. It's probably good on gas but I really don't give a shit about the money right now. Not with this job and my position as an economic slave. Fuck I don't want to...ugh fuck but it's worth it right? right? yes, we're doing great things and i'm learning more. sometimes its just hard, that's all. noah loves the work you do, everyone does. just keep trying like you've been doing.
Yeah that thing has quite the sound system. I realized why the gears grind in reverse too, it's just the way the teeth are set. Mmm...grinding metal....
THe other night i was reading the cultural atlas at apartment 30. then the couple started watching "Better off Ted" I got into for it 20 minutes and went on my way to apartment 41 and read until the guys got there. then I drove home. I'll get to this in a minute. I sat at home for a few minutes, took a pill, and went to sizizis with my computer. I got some good notes done, but then spent a long time fucking around with music in a caffeinated mania. got those times are fun though. went home at 2am, crashed.
got up at noon, helped bob move out, and here i am at the computer lab at 5pm with little to show for myself, besides watching that film (include that in your bibliography!!)
and i can't stop looking around at other people i can't stop going to other websites, or fabricating images of driving downtown to see people at coffee shops (where i would go to study, but know well enough that if i'm there with other people, i certainlly wouldn't!!)
and I just spent the past half hour reading old blog entries. I'm really glad I have this thing. I can access it anywhere i have internet and I get to think about old memories. But my writing then was so much more literary-ish, more formal, to a different audience. The stuff here, lately, is pedestrian, garbled, more written for me than other people I guess. But the stuff I wrote before is most entertaining to me! What happened? It must be a phase.
Maybe because I'm getting laid on a semi-regular basis now to someone I have no feelings beyond friendship for. I don't even think we look good together. But she is hot and sexy and has a nice cat, a car, and interesting hair, and a good outlook. She says she's empathetic when I accused her of being a sociopath. It's true. She's just been hurt before, I'm sure, which explains her futile relationship with monogamy. But man, she can make me feel REALLY good. But it kind of sucks that usually, when a guy comes, his dick goes soft. Although there are workarounds, it can be annoying to consider. The girl can just keep going! But us guys gotta pace ourselves!
Also, I bought a car from a guy named Dennis yesterday. Ho-ho-holy shit walking into the bank with him waiting for me almost made me burst from adrenaline and the feeling of impulse, but sometimes I really revel in it! Once I got the hang of it, I have the time of my life in it. It's like Gabe's car but with less features. It feels so good, almost too good. I tell myself I don't deserve this. I am still attached to that feeling. I told Bob I have this weird vision of myself as an ascetic. It's not really working for me though, considering how attached i am to my Blackberry and my email bullshit. But hey, whatever you gotta do to stay connected, right? and as long as i'm aware of these things, isn't that better? Or is it even worse? And why should I care? I also think of myself as a bit of a hedonist at heart.
So I guess that was a good day. Let's make this one, one.
Oh wait, let me relish in how great this car is, some more. It's a stick shifter, so it's so much more fun to drive than just an auto. Before that wasn't fun. Before that wasn't really driving. This is driving. And I burnt an mp3 cd and it sounds amazing in it. The windows don't work, but I don't care. I'll get it looked at at some point. It's probably good on gas but I really don't give a shit about the money right now. Not with this job and my position as an economic slave. Fuck I don't want to...ugh fuck but it's worth it right? right? yes, we're doing great things and i'm learning more. sometimes its just hard, that's all. noah loves the work you do, everyone does. just keep trying like you've been doing.
Yeah that thing has quite the sound system. I realized why the gears grind in reverse too, it's just the way the teeth are set. Mmm...grinding metal....
Friday, November 12, 2010
recap
On second thought, sending that message to jackie did far more harm to me than it did to her. those were hurtful things i said. when i was high nonetheless, but i won't say that. i did what i could to redeem myself but she just hinted at talking in person "...". i'm not ready for that. i can't face this stuff.
but whats important is that she still likes me !!?? i don't know. regardless of this bullshit on facebook under the surface, we can still communicate normally, without contempt. now i have myself in a funny position. i'm more attracted to her now, after showing this dark side of me that even i wasn't aware of. now i have to win her back it feels. and thats why i'm more attracted to her. it's silly. i told stafa last night, when i was nearly sobbing, i don't know what kind of person i've become
i'm more stressed, more impulsive, might put a downpayment on a car tomorrow. thatwould be lovely. i'm so much more stressed, i need help now more than ever before. i think i would have been fine, not taking other peoples advice. i trust faith so much, but she doesnt know how i feel except for how i present myself regarding these girl issues.
i know katie fucks other people, but i don't want to hear about it from her. i don't know why that upset me so much. it shouldn't. and i faked how i felt in response. "Haha that should be easy :D" that's actually kind of insulting. why do i have to check myself so much. the first response, the gut response, should be fine. if its honest. two or three days ago i thougth i was a good person. but something's wrong, something's missing. am i really being honest with myself?
my arab friend says you have a job you're a good student. he says i'm the smartest person he knows. i say the most important thing are friends and relationships, more than anything! more than things. and that's something a real man knows. i still believe it. he says all of us love you, i say i need to spend more time with you. UPDATE: he is kind of a piece of shit human being, but still fun to hang out with.
remember when you wrote those few lines about how to live ones life according to what i've learned? shutting myself off from the world does little to make me feel better, even though i'm "studying", i'm fucking off, feel like i'm fucking up. its not that bad. it may be a first world problem, but if that's the society i live in, it's still more than trivial. my relationships with other people is most important, so i need to preserve them. i need to nurture them.
but whats important is that she still likes me !!?? i don't know. regardless of this bullshit on facebook under the surface, we can still communicate normally, without contempt. now i have myself in a funny position. i'm more attracted to her now, after showing this dark side of me that even i wasn't aware of. now i have to win her back it feels. and thats why i'm more attracted to her. it's silly. i told stafa last night, when i was nearly sobbing, i don't know what kind of person i've become
i'm more stressed, more impulsive, might put a downpayment on a car tomorrow. thatwould be lovely. i'm so much more stressed, i need help now more than ever before. i think i would have been fine, not taking other peoples advice. i trust faith so much, but she doesnt know how i feel except for how i present myself regarding these girl issues.
i know katie fucks other people, but i don't want to hear about it from her. i don't know why that upset me so much. it shouldn't. and i faked how i felt in response. "Haha that should be easy :D" that's actually kind of insulting. why do i have to check myself so much. the first response, the gut response, should be fine. if its honest. two or three days ago i thougth i was a good person. but something's wrong, something's missing. am i really being honest with myself?
my arab friend says you have a job you're a good student. he says i'm the smartest person he knows. i say the most important thing are friends and relationships, more than anything! more than things. and that's something a real man knows. i still believe it. he says all of us love you, i say i need to spend more time with you. UPDATE: he is kind of a piece of shit human being, but still fun to hang out with.
remember when you wrote those few lines about how to live ones life according to what i've learned? shutting myself off from the world does little to make me feel better, even though i'm "studying", i'm fucking off, feel like i'm fucking up. its not that bad. it may be a first world problem, but if that's the society i live in, it's still more than trivial. my relationships with other people is most important, so i need to preserve them. i need to nurture them.
Thursday, November 11, 2010
awful
swollen neck and weird feelings in my head today. last night was bad. most of that day was bad. i freaed out at work because i had to take responsibility for a programmer's screwup, and more work, more homework. didn't get as far as i wanted. couldn't focus, and got high thinking it would help. got uncomfortably high and had to loaf out. i don't want to do that anymore. but i didn't feel well, my stomach hurt. i'm getting high or intoxicated every night now. its not sustainable. i'm smoking more. i think about sex and women so much, i was caught in an anxiety attack, that's what it was last night, now i know. i need to take a break, take a rest. but there's so little time. i can't just sit at home and study, i need to be out. i need to see people. i need to laugh and maybe cry. i need a break, that's what this weekend will be about. except that i have a big fucking paper due. ughhhh
Tuesday, November 2, 2010
stress
dear brother,
my head hurts and body aches. I wanted to get my thoughts out here before I spent time invested into my paper about a city.
I don't really like being around J that much anymore. ever since i realized i have game and can kiss and sometimes even fuck other people. really good about katie. so many -ie and -y names around me. I mean i like Katie because there's that bond i get after i have sex with a girl, but don't think i like her that much, and i show it, so she knows i'm not attached, but will probably be more willing to want to see me again if she notices that, so i dunno. she's cool, in all sense of the word, but says fuck too much. but she is book smart and doesn't want to appear that way and i like that, im kinda like that too.
jackie just kind of bores me, i just like the way her skin feels.
i haven't been sleeping much or very well and its taken a toll on me. im worried that i won't be able to make progress in this headspace. that my paper will be written at a few grade levels lower when i'm like this.
maybe my job is taking a toll on me. but i did goo last time. i know i can still do a decent job on this paper. just got to get it together.
my head hurts and body aches. I wanted to get my thoughts out here before I spent time invested into my paper about a city.
I don't really like being around J that much anymore. ever since i realized i have game and can kiss and sometimes even fuck other people. really good about katie. so many -ie and -y names around me. I mean i like Katie because there's that bond i get after i have sex with a girl, but don't think i like her that much, and i show it, so she knows i'm not attached, but will probably be more willing to want to see me again if she notices that, so i dunno. she's cool, in all sense of the word, but says fuck too much. but she is book smart and doesn't want to appear that way and i like that, im kinda like that too.
jackie just kind of bores me, i just like the way her skin feels.
i haven't been sleeping much or very well and its taken a toll on me. im worried that i won't be able to make progress in this headspace. that my paper will be written at a few grade levels lower when i'm like this.
maybe my job is taking a toll on me. but i did goo last time. i know i can still do a decent job on this paper. just got to get it together.
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