girls

That sorta been intimate with in the past few years. I feel like girls do this so I should do it, too.

Brandee - Shitty name, but nice girl. Encounters with her proved O's point about movie theaters - how they're like legalized prostitution - because they're usually an excuse to get dirty and intimate with someone. We did that three times and got further each time. I guess they're useful for that since they're dark, and there's also the ominous concern/turn-on about getting caught. I don't know how we were ever considered "dating" but it felt like it. In those dismal, painful, humiliating days of the first high school (which I realize I'm now able to not think about anymore, though the unresolved conflicts will probably return in therapy at some point down the line) her company definitely made me feel better about myself.

Jessica R. - I miss her as a dear friend. There was that one funny time with Eve in the Hallmark bathroom and the Jack Daniel's. I think we stole a total of three bottles from Gelson's and drank them. I didn't really get that drunk. There was the assumption that since I was a drunk guy I wanted to have sex with her, but I pretended to fumble with my weird 2-pronged belt until we got caught and shooed out by an employee. Eve sitting there in the corner made me turbo uncomfortable. This didn't go anywhere, but it showed me what was possible.

Joany, I think is what she went by - Colin and Daniel and some kid who knew people at the door of this 21+ club in Malibu drove there and drank and danced. I picked up some girl - kissed her, took her to my car. We fucked around, she was a terrible kisser. I was on painkillers and uncomfortable in the backseat of my car and couldn't get it up. Daniel and her cousin went to retrieve her while my flaccid penis was in her mouth. My friends thought I was a champ. I didn't feel like one, but I did learn what it was like to be the guy who sort of "scored". I tried to hang out with her after, but it never materialized. This theme returns later in my life, in college.

Cl - Took me 20 years but finally lost it in a great drunken hook-up in the room I was lucky I didn't have to share until midway thru winter quarter. That was a fun night, I just regret trying to call and text her so much, even considering e-mailing her, thinking we had something shared between us except bodily fluids. At least she still smiles at me in the hallways. Although we can't really communicate beyond the pedestrian level. Maybe I'll just tell her, "Remember the time we fucked last year?" and she how she reacts. What's the worst that could happen?

W - Cool writer lady graduate student who kissed me on my birthday. Dated. Had sex. Had a lot of sex actually for a period of 2-3 months, and learned a lot about it. I think I loved her at some point. But she got depressed and it was a turn off for me so I told her we just wanted to be friends. I think she delivers pizzas in Seattle now. But she looks good and is sexy and I wish her the best.

Jessica - Man she is cool. I miss her. She came from an art school in New York to visit one of the friends in our circle (a girl she was "married" to), and we hung out and bonded. Her and her "wife", and her kinda boyfriend and my friend B were going to drive to Vancouver that weekend. The good Vancouver up north, not the shitty Washington one. After getting kinda close and comfy with this Jessica, it sounded like a plan. Plus, the unspoken "double date/trip" of it would be helpful for B, who's relationship with the friend was just beginning to blossom, (though, now, it's starting to get moldy). It was a great trip, we got super wasted at a club in Canada and we all got laid. But the devil is in the details. S (B's girl) got SUPER wasted and got angry that Bob wasn't performing...spectacularly, and even asked me, in a daze, if I could satisfy her. Eventually, they got it down, though. My partner and I were REALLY into it on the dancefloor, and didn't care about any of the glances around us. Mmm...but back at the hotel, which I almost wasn't able to get back into (!!!) at 2AMish in the Vancouver slums, it wasn't so great. We got under the covers and got naked and started doing it, but, hmm...I don't really remember what happened. I think I went to put a condom on and she was passed the fuck out. I know I did stick it in though (before she fell asleep, mind you!) and I guess that counts. I will see her again, some time. What a story!

J - One of my friend's roommates I'd go out, as a group, on lonely nights to drink. Kind of cold. Not initially attracted to, until she cut her hair, actually. Usually I'm less superficial, but I also began to see her in a different light. I was bored and read a handful of PUA e-books, which had a minor impact on me and made me more confident about going out with her. Made out with her in front of a dying campfire on her roommate's birthday. I loved that. Went on two awkward dates after until she messaged me, saying to come over, had awesome unexpected sex. Did that a couple more times, got clingy, turned her off, didn't hear back because she was a bad communicator, in my opinion. But we might see each other again. (UPDATE 1/30/11: I don't think we're going to see each other again)

J - I'll talk about this another time.

K - This is new and kind of a nice casual, yet fucking-loving relationship we have, mostly because she is upfront about her other male suitors. I'll talk about this more another time. (UPDATE 1/30/11: she got a boyfriend and I got a girlfriend, the J above that I'll talk about another time. I have already, actually. Me and K still talk though.)