worry

i woke up with strange worries about whether he lost someone behind.
whether he left someone behind him, when he came on this long mysterious trip on a whim with those sacrifices
whom he'd left behind. was he not doing enough to secure ties with the others living back at home?
he thought about leaving a message with his old therapist, whom he couldn't afford to pay or see
dennis i k now last time i said iw as having a great time but i think i am still too, but i'm also worried
i woke up anxious, thinking about ties iwth my father and a friend or two, and his family. he wanted to see them
and pour his heart out to them, his fears, his aspirations, and discuss the emptiness he felt sometimes
that empty...


returning was its goal, even though he fought so hard to ditch it in the field, like a rat in a jar he carried
but the anxieties and fear came back and thef irst thought, you know, was..."wow, i feel this way again.
it feels good in a weird way, that it reminds me where i came from, where i used to be. nostalgic."
but it doesn't pass like nostalgia does,
being back at the baseline you don't want to be
it hurts and its not even logical
you feel sick and it doesn't even make sense

I THOUGHT ABOUT waking someone up to talk to them about it but then thought about the dialogue that'd take place
what would be the first sentence to come out of my mouth, he thought