When a man cries

A few days I was sitting outside of a coffee shop with my friend C, while we were waiting for O to arrive. C has major familial problems; he's a foster child who has a fuckup for a sister, who together have been abused by previous, biological parents who are no longer seen, and his dad (the man that he lives with) probably loves his real son more than he loves him. C's dad is also bipolar, and a complete asshole, but there are rare moments when some love sticks its fingers through the bars.

Anyway, he made me think a lot about my dad. My dad, who's been doing work far below his skill level for twenty-seven years, and since he lost that job a year and a half ago, has been working a job that's even crappier. He assumes because there is paper, mail, and e-mail involved that it's white collar but it's not. But the point is, he's not a very materialistic guy. And I think he purposely didn't choose to advance his career, because one time he said, "all I wanted was to have a house, a wife, and a son. and I did."

and I respect that, even though the house has recently lost 30% of its value and requires my dad to take out his pension payments early to pay it off, and that my mother divorced him, quickly remarried, and died from breast cancer within 2 years (in 2006).

i had to excuse myself, walk around the block, sit against some brick wall connected to a panda express and a major street and let the choking in my throat commence. i tried to cry but couldn't. but some tears came out. a woman walked by and stopped and said "are you okay? do you need money" in a slight Russian accent. She was holding wrapped presents and wore shiny earrings.
I tried to respond but it was hard but eventually said "y-yes i was just thinking about my dad"
and she went on about how we can't all have perfect lives and have to deal with what we've got, even though she didn't understand why I was letting go of some saltwater.
I wasn't sad, I don't think. I was just appreciative, of all my dad's done for me. I love him but don't know how I can really communicate it to him like that. I ended up telling him just that, later in the evening but it was not emotional in the slightest, just like saying please or thank you.