joke life
Thursday, May 7, 2009
doubt
I don't feel like I'm good enough to finish school. I've barely done anything and I feel like I've been cracking away at it for ages, but there's so much more. i need to try going away to school though. just try. as long as i pass my classes here i'll be in a good spot i think. I hope. Frustrated with C like he can't help himself. Don't want to see him so fucking much, he's pissing me off. just next time, say no. i need a good excuse though. but i don't have to do anything I don't want to do, right? and O will be there to egg me on when i don't want to pick C's ass up. and stop smoking again! you lost your rhythm! what happened? another problem is that I'm pretty much alone without these people. i wonder how i'm better off. i had a good time with C the other day probably because i was able to say no. why couldn't i say no today? perhaps because i'd want him to do the same. god damn car.
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4 comments:
Hi Marcus!
Surprise. Someone is reading your blogs after all.
It's OK to say "no" . Some of us have to practice. If you need a break from a friend, it's OK to have other plans sometimes and not be available. Over time the people that you don't want to be with as often will start to develop other friendships and not count on you as much as they used to. Sometimes friends just grow in separate directions and start to look at life differently.Also, when you aren't with your old friends, it is easier to meet new people.
Most of all, Marcus, it's great to be your own best friend. Having some quiet time to think about what makes you happy is good.
By the way, about school. My advice is to just do the best you can. By the time most people turn 20, if you ask them how they did in High school, most will respond, "I did OK." If you are an average student, you can always go to a community college for 2 years and then transfer to a 4 year college program. It gives you 2 more years to figure out what you might want to do for a living down the road.
I have a feeling you are pretty smart. Just the fact that you started this blog and are writing things down is evidence of your soul-searching mind set. I went to a lecture by Julia Cameron . She writes every day, I'll try to find my notes from her seminar to share with you.
I had a journal when I was in high school. Most of it was in secret code. I think I was so worried someone would find it and figure out what I was writing that I ripped it up and threw it out. Now that I am a bit older, I wish I had it. It would make for quite an amusing "read."
i think you're right about the friends thing. but I don't want them to ask why i'm "being weird" again. it's hard. i think it would be harder to make more friends/new friends if i'm just by myself too, but I have to because i want new influences.
and i'm actually reading "The Right to Write" by Julia Cameron right now :P
thanks so much. too bad you don't have a blog i can read, you (both of you, if you're different people) probably have interesting blogs yourself...or you would if you had them.
i read your comment again today. I appreciate it. I'm just going to keep writing in this blog as long as blogs are around. maybe people will write about me. but i need to invest my time into me. and this blog is one of the few things i have that is truly ME!
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