great

I feel so great, so empowered. That feeling when I left the movie. I want to always feel that way. This way. I think it kicked in after I got her number though. No caffeine, no drugs, no nothing - it must be noted. My car didn't feel like a junker when my friend and I went the way she left to see if she wanted a ride (she had a bike that could be stashed). I loved C then. There was no misery or foul mood or corruption or anguish or doubt, I just simply "could" and the possibilities are endless. Captain Kirk inspired me - I know he's a fictional character but he's so well-written that he reminds me of myself as I am right now, on top, even though I'm not a thrill-seeker and my friend had to nag and convince me to see him, even when I was reluctant, it paid off. Not to say that every time will be like that. I want to conjure moods and feelings though. My bad chemicals weren't so bad. This feeling is great but I haven't had it in a while. If I was this now in a club, I'd be VIP. If I was this now on a starship, I'd be captain. I would have my way and not be judged, just feared. Just kidding, no one fears me. But if I was this now I would not sleep. C felt great and I did too. No we did not have gay kiss kiss during show. In fact he scooted over a seat which was good, I did not want to hear his wheezing. During the first half he was texting a bit and it annoyed me. Why do people pay $10 for a ticket to stare at the small screen? It is so pixelated and intrusive. We go to movies to escape reality. But afterwards I found out that it was somewhat important, and his verbally abusive bipolar stubborn adoptive father was trying to frame him for something he did not do, and couldn't have done because he was out with me. Later on his father found out that it was not true and apologized. C wants my job when I leave. Yes, WHEN I leave. No, this is not influenced by my current mood, it just came up today. Too much is expected of me to falter.

coming back, why is my hypomania situational? I was diagnosed cyclothymic a few years ago. It was a hesitant, forced diagnosis by a psychotherapist who didn't respect labels. He doesn't want to box people in. He says Marcus is just Marcus. And Marcus feels differently sometimes. But I thought I was more scientific. A label denotes a problem, a physical problem, ones with chemicals and chemical receptors. But from what we understand of the human brain, it has the ability to rewire itself, to adapt and to change, and even mere thoughts can invoke this. Thoughts generally have less side effects than medications, too, wouldn't you know?